You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
