I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
