Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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