Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The struggles of a small town man whore
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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