I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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