Me too!
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
