somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
