I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
