I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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