we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
