You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
