don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
