Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Randomize
