i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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