i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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