he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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