Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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