It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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