I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
