you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
