There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
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Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
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All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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