Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
