My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize