I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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