I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
