1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
