I accidentally had phone sex last night
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
