what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
where am i from again
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
