oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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