It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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