i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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