Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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