News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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