"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
