my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
