im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
