Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
