SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
