I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Four minutes until I can fart!
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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