So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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