Who wears a wallet chain?!
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
it's great music for shaving your balls
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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