i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
