o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
