belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It's like God shit irony all over that family
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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