is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
The best revenge is premature balding
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
