rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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