Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We're too hungover to prance.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
