she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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