the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
