you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
