She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
