Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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