Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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