My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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