some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
