No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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