I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
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