Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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