saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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