i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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