We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
