Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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