I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
