i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
