You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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