I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
