so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
